Building an Intentional Relationship with Gift Giving

In 2016, I made the decision to stop giving Christmas presents to my friends and family.

This was a major adjustment for me. For most of my life, I spent the months of November and December writing elaborate gift giving lists, making trips to the mall, buying and returning things online, and wrapping presents.

I regularly had stress dreams during the week leading up to Christmas where I realized that I had forgotten to do any holiday shopping and had no gifts to give on Christmas morning.

And then one day I realized that I just wasn't getting anything out of the whole experience. When I asked myself why I was choosing to take part in an experience I didn't really like, the only answer I could come up with was something like: It's just what you do for the holidays. That created enough of a pause in my own behavior to sit back and reevaluate my relationship with gift giving.

Now if you're reading this email and feeling like it's giving grinchy vibes, I totally respect that! For people whose #1 love language is giving and/or receiving gifts, this whole idea is probably appalling. If that's you, skip ahead to the next section of this email for some impactful gifting ideas!

But for those of you who are walking into this month feeling tired, stressed, broke, and/or tired of overconsumption, this is a compassionate and non-judgmental invitation to consider doing something different and a reminder that you don't have to participate in consumer culture around the holidays if you don't want to. It is entirely possible to create a more intentional relationship with giving gifts around the holidays.

Here's how I communicated to my friends and family 10 days before Christmas that I was opting out of gift exchanges - I sent a simple text that said: "Hi! I've made the decision not to participate in exchanging gifts with my friends or family this year. I was wondering if you might be open to spending some time together over the holidays instead? I would love to catch up over coffee and hear about what you've been up to!"

The response to this text was astonishingly positive. Sure, there were a few people who were disappointed and there were a few people who still gave me gifts, but most people responded by saying something like, "Good for you! Thanks for letting me know!" and took me up on a coffee date instead.

This is my 8th year of opting out of holiday shopping, and let me tell ya, I'm not going back anytime soon. I've saved thousands of dollars, loads of time, tons of energy, and huge amounts of stress. Overall, this is easily one of the best behavior changes I've ever made in my life.

Here are a few questions to reflect on if you're thinking about building a more intentional relationship with gift giving:

• What do I want the holidays to be about? How can I better align my actions and my intentions?

• What can I do to make the holidays feel special for the people I love without giving gifts?

• What would it be like to do an experiment where I don't give any gifts for just one year?

• What would it look like to scale back on giving gifts instead of giving them up completely? (Some ideas for scaling back include reducing the number of gifts you buy, setting a smaller budget for gifts, making/baking gifts, or gifting experiences instead of things.)

• If I don't spend money on gifts this holiday season, what will I do with the money instead?

• How can I sit with the discomfort that arises when I receive a gift and I don't have anything to give in return?

If you want to see what my gift-free holidays look like, feel free to add me on Instagram, where I'll be sharing more about this!

Wishing you and your family a happy and stress-free holiday season!
❤️ Sonja